Portraits of Grace is a snapshot into the lives of the people at King’s Cross Church. As “kingdom minded, kingdom people,” we recognize God’s work in every detail of our lives. We invite you to meet the people of our church.

The Bible says we need to fight sin to its death. “In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” (Hebrews 12:4, ESV) How am I going to be able to fight to the point of shedding blood and break the sinful pattern of anger? Sometimes, I even can’t bite my tongue for two seconds. When I need to make an active choice to not react in anger, it brings forth a bitter agony touching the core of who I am. It hurts. It hurts my ego. I’d rather suffer the consequences. My ego screams, “If I lose, let me lose!” My willful sinfulness is strong and deep, but the Word is clear: If I don’t resist sin to the point of shedding my blood, it will get me. Just as a prominent 17th Century theologian John Owen said, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.”

I had to admit and confess my desire to be in control of everything and my angry reaction when reality resisted this desire. I confessed this willful, habitual sin against God and against Ben and Eugene (my closest people). Since then, God has continuously brought my sin into light and granted me a new desire to fight and hope for change. I want this sinful anger in me dead. I want gentleness to grow in the place where anger died. In his book, The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis describes God’s unceasing pursuit of holiness in us as his “intolerable compliment.” In his “intolerable compliment,” God pursues us until he accomplishes the good he’s willed for us. God’s unbounding, ceaseless love embraces me and constantly transforms me. How many triumphs have I achieved? Not as many as I would want. The struggle is ongoing. The challenge is present. The battle is still on. But God will love me and be with me until the end (John 13:1; Matt 28:20). I hold on to this truth. And the hope I have in this truth keeps me fighting.